I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
