I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
