Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
