walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
