tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
