I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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