thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
