Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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