Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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