Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
