Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
