Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
