well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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