The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
