Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
