Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
