Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize