is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she peed on how many people?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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