dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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