My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
