we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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