I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
