My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
