Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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