When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
