Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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