There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
