I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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