What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
