You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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