Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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