Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
