i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I enjoy the company of your penis
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
