i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
