I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
