my sisters under your porch take her home
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
