oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This couple is walking their pig around campus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
