Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize