Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
