some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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