wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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