I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
