Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
