one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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