How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you never un-have a 4some
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
