'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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