this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
