yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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