I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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