Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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