I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before