Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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