i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
