I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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