I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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