great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
