how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
