We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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