this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
