you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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